Why is it that sickness strikes at the least opportune time? Things have just gotten rolling with me: I’ve been making progress on my RV renovation, I just moved my gear into my studio space that needs to get set up, particularly because I have two songs in the cue I’ve been hired to produce. I’ve got momentum going with the band, was invited to a dinner parties, and have a speech to prepare for an upcoming freedom rally. I intended to see to all of that this past week.
NOPE.
I was completely taken out of commission by a tenacious flu (Covid?) that glued me to the bed for 5 days. I struggled to not feel guilty about this work left undone as I slugged about all day, too exhausted and dizzy to even mindlessly scroll social media. To add insult to injury, many of these past few days were clear weather, even with sunshine; for this time of year in the Pacific Northwest, those days are rare jewels to be taken advantage of…and there I was, under 4 blankets.
Thanks to my God-given immune system, the help of sweet friends bringing over remedies, and lots of prayer, I find myself able to sit up and move my fingers with enough dexterity to write this week’s post. I wasn’t sure what I could write on; thinking is fatiguing. Is there a song I can share? Certainly one already produced as no one would want to hear me sing right now! I laid there in a feverish haze flipping through the juke box in my head…feverish haze…
Then I remembered this precious gem - “Travel Companion” - a song I wrote in 2017 from the perspective of a disciple or follower of Christ - the kind of riff raff but sincere disciple now endearingly portrayed in The Chosen (aka - a Misfit Church member). In it, the disciple mentions becoming ill on the journey, and how she was healed - by touching his robe - by having faith.
I have personally experienced two miraculous healings: one truly falls under the category of “miracle”, and the other worked on my soul in such a way, at such a time, that I am apt to call it such as well.
THE TICK AND THE DOBERMAN
In Upstate New York, it is staggeringly common to contract Lyme Disease, or at least know multiple people who have. For me it was both. Lyme Disease is an insidious infection from a deer tick bite, poisoning you with a spirochete bacterium that is uniquely twisted and flexible, able to drill deep into the host like a cork screw. It has an “intelligent” ability to hide from medication, therefore it is very hard to cure. It is the same type of bacteria that causes syphilis. Testing is unreliable, and even though you may show symptoms, many compassion-less doctors, full well knowing the area is ripe with such a disease, will not treat you unless it’s a positive result.
While I was pregnant, I began to show the signs of infection: extreme fatigue, weakness, brain fog, bizarre thoughts, and “arthritis” throughout my body. Strong antibiotics are the most effective way to treat Lyme, but since I was pregnant, I had to be very careful with my dosage.
Some suspected these symptoms were just pregnancy, but 2 years after Py was born, I was still unable to walk up stairs without slowing down or even crawling up on my hands and knees, I was taking up to 3 naps a day, was still having strange thoughts, and felt like I was in a 100 year old arthritic body. We tried a number of alternative therapies and none of them helped much. One night I cried to my friend, “Is this just how it’s gonna be? Am I going to live like this the rest of my life!?” He assured me no, I would be healed. We were both believers at the time, but confused ones, and not very faithful.
Despite this, God was faithful to me.
One night I had a dream: I was walking through a house. In each room, there was a manacing statue of an Anubis, the Egyptian dog-headed god…the god of death. It was made of solid iron or cold stone. Frightened, I tried to push it out of the rooms, but it would not budge. Then a small spirit floated up to me and said, “If you want to be rid of it, do so in the name of Jesus Christ.” To be honest, I was such a back-slidden Christian at the time that I am not even sure that occurred to me in waking life. But I took heed in my dream, and declared loudly, “In the name of Jesus Christ!” I pushed on the Anubis, and it moved easily, passing through the wall and out of the house.
The next morning I woke up symptom free; I’ve not been afflicted since.
I was still too wayward on my own path to allow this experience to turn me into Christ’s travel companion, but it was not lost on me. It was a seed…
LOST IN A FEVER
5 years after the Lyme incident, I had finally hit my rock bottom in life, the result of which was me reaching out for Jesus, and being lifted up out of my miserable pit of blood and snot and scum and dusted off by a group of Bible study ladies, through which I found a solid church, re-dedicated my life to Christ, and was soon after “re-baptized” (I had been as an infant, but this time I chose to get into the tank). Through all of that, I thought I had purged myself of any uncleanliness…but the Lord was not done wringing me out.
Only a week or two after the baptism, I fell gravely ill with the worst flu I have ever experienced. I grew sicker and weaker, eventually holding a fever of 105F for 3 days straight, and was utterly delirious. I went to the hospital twice, but there was not much they could do for me other than a fluids IV. I had to just ride it out, take a terrifyingly high dosage of ibuprofen, and hopefully survive.
For 3 agonizing weeks, lost in this fever haze, wondering if I’d ever emerge normal again, I did nothing but lie in bed listening to sermons and the Bible app on my phone. I figured if I was going to die, I’d better go out with scripture in mind, and if I was to survive, I was going to need it to pull me through. The sermons deeply convicted me - perhaps enhanced by my altered state…desperate state. I moaned in agony for my sick body, but also the sick soul that I had entertained all those years…I’d find myself on the floor wailing, prostrate on the ground, repenting, repeating the prayers of the pastors in the videos, back in that puddle of spit and snot and sweat…guilt, shame, horror, humiliation, it burned off me like a martyr at the stake…
And when I had truly reached my deepest state of spiritual brokenness…my fever broke. I never felt anything like it. With a sudden whoosh my entire body burst forth like a fountain from every pour - I was baptized yet again, this time from a wellspring within. I felt washed completely clean down to the sub-atomic.
This time, I did not let my close encounter with the divine escape me. I had spoken in tongues a dialog with God so intimate and binding that if I were to forget, it would not be his wrath I was afraid of invoking, but rather the sorrowful disappointment of a best friend.
It was out of this experience that “Travel Companion” was conceived. I pray it touches you. This is only a raw demo, which is why I haven’t officially published it. I submitted it to Nashville Christian Songwriters, an A&R company, and was privilaget to be invited to play it on stage at their convention in 2018. (The founder of the organization still quotes the lyrics to me every time he sees me online.) I haven’t made a real recording of it yet because - well - I forgot how to play it. It’s true. It’s the only song I’ve ever written in a different tuning…and I don’t remember how I did it. Someday, around the fire on the road to Jerusalem, I’ll sit down and figure it out. In the meantime, it’s a transient moment - like a dream, like a fever…
Click on link to play song:
TRAVEL COMPANION
I took my Mother’s advice:
I ran off with Jesus Christ.
Because he was a man he had two legs to walk with me;
Because he is God he had the foresight to see
Any unfortunate step I would take,
And the wisdom to let me make it anyway…
”Jesus won’t you turn these stones into bread?”
But he let me hunt my own food instead.
Mosquitoes filled my blood with a fever.
I touched his robe and cried “I’m a believer!”
That night I dreamed in a yellowy haze…
I awoke and the burden had rolled away.
In darkness we
take turns
watching the
fire burn
Drawing in
sand the
Vigilant
sigils and
Praying for
those we love
staring at
stars above
Jesus left me in the Gaza Strip
(My mother failed to mention that part of the trip).
He said, “well done, my good and faithful tag-along,
But now I’ve got some work to do in Babylon.”
He gave me a kiss and walked away…
He remains within my heart to stay.
Wow! Thank you for sharing your journey and your companion. Healing prayers continue.